Do you have a door slamming child at
your house?
Does your child keep outgrowing all
of his/her clothes?
Are you wondering what is going on
inside of your child’s head at this time of his/her life?
Welcome to the
Young
Adolescent Years
"No
other age level is of more importance to the future of individuals, and,
literally, to that of society; because these are the years when youngsters
crystallize their beliefs about themselves and firm up their self-concepts,
their philosophies of life and their values - the things that are the ultimate
determinants of their behaviors."
Understanding and Appreciating the Wonder
Years
John H. Lounsbury
Developmental Traits
v Physical
Tools and Strategies for
Parents
v How to
cope with adolescent emotions
v Managing early adolescent behavior
~ Developing effective management
techniques
~ Ways to
make communication more effective
v What
teenagers think you should know
v Resources
– web pages and books
Teen Talk
v Questions
and answers to teen problems and concerns by teens and for teens
ü (All of this information
was developed by the Young Adolescent Development Course at Johnson State
College for parents, adolescents, and the general public in observance of
October being the Month of the Young Adolescent. Most of our information is based on the book
Early Adolescence-understanding 10-15 year olds by Gail Caissy)
Moodiness
Due to
increasing hormones, emotions of adolescents tend to be unstable; at one point
the child seems happy and the next moment the child is miserable. These mood swings go from extreme happiness
to extreme sadness. At times,
adolescents also hide their emotions, not wanting anyone to see how s/he feels.
Anger
Anger from adolescents
is typically expressed through storming out (door slamming, etc.) or sudden
outbursts at someone or something that is not the original problem. For example, the child has a rough day at
school with a teacher but suddenly explodes at their parent because the parent
asked the child to help in the kitchen.
Usually adolescents realize that anger is not the best way to handle
their emotions and figure out more appropriate ways to deal with their
feelings.
Fears, Worries and Anxiety
Early
adolescents spend a lot of time worrying about their physical appearance,
school and social situations. What their
peers think of them is very important to them.
This anxiety includes what people think about the way they dress, the
way they act, what they say, how they look, and so on.
Instability
Adolescents’
interests and goals are constantly changing during this time period. They try one activity, abandon it, and try
something else. They are trying to find
what interests them most by trying 
new things.
Extremes
At certain
times, adolescents tend to make comments to the extreme, exaggerating them out
of proportion. Common sayings are,
“Everyone was there. Nobody ever does
that. I hate that. I love that.
That thing is so stupid, etc.”
Accepting Their New Bodies
As the early adolescent
body begins to take on a more adult form, the adolescent tends to worry about
many different things. One thing they are worried about is what they are going
to look like when they grow up. Another
is they are worried that they are developing too fast or too slow. This is because each child develops at
different ages so they are constantly comparing themselves to their peers. Adolescents worry that they do not look like
the ideal bodies they see on TV.
Adolescents tend to view the negatives of their body rather than looking
at the positive parts of their appearance.
Inferiority and Developing Self-Esteem
Developing
self-esteem (how a person feels about him or herself) is related to the
adolescent’s development and appearance.
Adolescents who are obese, underdeveloped, overdeveloped or short, for
example, are often so worried about what they look like; it is difficult for
them to feel good about themselves.
Feelings of inferiority develop because of lack of self-confidence,
insecurity or feeling like they don’t have any friends. Name calling, such as “dummy”, can affect
feelings of inferiority, making adolescents feel that they aren’t as smart as
their peers.
Developing
self-esteem is very important at this age because adolescents who have good
self-esteem are more confident, more successful, less subject to peer pressure,
better able to solve problems, and generally happy with themselves. While it is important for parents to help
build good self-esteem, most parents are misguided in the best way to do
this. Self-esteem is something that
needs to come from the child. Parents
can guide, support and encourage, but they cannot give the child self-esteem by
giving everything to the adolescent.
Self-esteem is
something that grows in a person over time.
Usually self-esteem grows after accomplishing something. Learning how to play an instrument, getting a
new job, building something, or helping a neighbor are all ways a child can
feel better about themselves. The feeling of accomplishment after the child
builds a bench or plays his/her instrument at a recital is important at this
age. This is different than a parent
trying to build self-esteem by doing everything to “make” the child happy. The child is doing the new things that s/he
has learned and feels a sense of pride.
A child needs the love and support of friends and family during this
time to help him/her gain a good feeling about him/herself.
Questioning of Values
As young children, kids tend to believe without question
everything adults around them say. As
adolescents, they start to question what adults say because now they have “seen
the world as it really is”. For
instance, as young children, they believed the adults when they said that drugs
were bad and would kill you. As
adolescents, they question this because they have seen the Major League
Baseball Player that was “taking drugs” and he looks “just fine”. Adolescents don’t see the entire picture so
they just think that drugs can’t be that bad.
Adolescents start to think that adults don’t really know what they are
talking about and begin to question the values they were brought up with.
Know-It-All Attitude, Idealism and
Criticism
As adolescents
begin questioning all things taught to them, they now think they know the
solution to 
all
problems. Because adolescents tend to
simplify problems to make them less complex, their solutions don’t work for all
situations. Boys and girls at this age
think they have solved the problem and the adults just aren’t smart enough to
“get it”. Therefore a feeling of
superiority arises in the adolescent but the adolescent doesn’t understand that
his/her solution just won’t work. This
causes conflict because the adolescent feels that the adult isn’t listening and
the adult tries to explain why their idea won’t work without disappointing the
child.
Idealism is
very common at this stage. As
adolescents start to try to solve the problems of the world, they tend to think
that the best possible results will always happen. (ex. Helping countries
battle hunger or helping the homeless)
They want to solve all of the problems in the world to make sure
everyone is happy. Of course, when this
does not occur, adolescents feel disappointed.
“I am free to
criticize you, but please don’t criticize me.”
This sums up criticism for an adolescent. They are starting to view the
world differently and with this is their “right” to criticize based on their
findings. Although adolescents feel
frustrated when they are criticized, adolescents spend most of their time
criticizing others. Adults need to be
sensitive about their criticism of adolescents because it can affect
self-esteem.
Feelings and Affection
Girls and boys
at this age start to have feelings of affection towards the opposite sex. Girls think about the person all of the time
and think that they are “in love”.
Adults think it is cute “puppy love”.
This makes adolescents feel like adults just don’t understand because
these feelings are so intense. Boys, on
the other hand, are more likely to have strong sexual feelings towards
girls. This develops more of a sexual
drive with wet dreams and sexual tension.
This can be confusing for boys at this age.
Adolescents at
this age don’t want to show affection to family or friends in public. They feel embarrassed and are afraid that
their friends will pick on them.
Sometimes affection is fine, as long as it is done in private.
Social and Behavioral Development
The early adolescents have the need, as
they are becoming more adult-like in appearance, to form their own
identity. “Who am I? How did I get this
way? What do others see when they look
at me?”
They think that being an adult is cool:
adults can do whatever they want, make their own rules, stay out as late as
they want, and buy whatever they want.
Early adolescents don’t see the responsibility and restrictions that go
along with that such as working every day, supporting a family, and making hard
decisions. They are not yet mature
enough to realize that the media fantasies are not reality. Early adolescents believe what they see in
videos, commercials and even soap operas.
These are the places that they learn about smoking, drinking,
popularity, sexy clothes, and that dating and sex are no big deals. They want to do adult things but lack the
experience and vision to see the consequences of their behaviors. These can be as simple as not wearing a coat
and hat in below freezing weather or as complicated as getting pregnant.
Discovering who they want to be requires
experimentation. They will test out many
social roles and identities in order to find their own. They will experiment on harmless things such
as hairstyles and clothing and may also experiment on more negative things such
as drinking, drugs and sex.
To feel like they are becoming
adults they need to disassociate from adult influence which results in
rebellion. They will do the opposite of
what is asked of them from an adult.
This may reveal itself in loud music, weird clothes and hair, messy
rooms, and talking tough, as well as drugs, drinking, sex and crimes. Even though this is difficult for adults to
deal with, it is a necessary psychological process that early adolescents use
to establish independence. Parents need
to allow safe rebellion. Trying to stop
it will just make it worse.
Since they have separated from adults,
early adolescents need a peer group and friendships for guidance, support and
advice. Their personalities may change
in order to attract friends. They may
establish two different personalities; one for friends and one for home. If a child falls into a deviant group there
is a good chance that s/he will do deviant things in order to be accepted by
that new group. The need to conform is
greatest for 12-15 year olds.
One of the adolescents’ greatest fears
is to be different than their peers.
Conformity is huge and is reflected in choices of mannerisms, clothes,
speech and music. Those with negative
self-image and low self-esteem are more easily influenced by peers because they
are desperate to be liked and accepted.
Those who don’t conform may be picked on, which causes isolation and
depression.
Teens need someone to talk to them about peer pressure and
why it is such a powerful influence.
This way they will have something to fall back on if it has been
discussed earlier. Have a discussion
that includes questions such as “What if a friend approaches you about doing
drugs? What if a boy pressures you to
kiss him or have sex? What if you are
coerced into going someplace without your parents knowing? What if a group pressures you to pick on
another kid? What if you are asked to smoke
or drink in order to hang out with the ‘cool’ kids?” If these questions have been discussed, then
the child will be empowered to answer them rationally and there will be less of
a chance for them to fall into peer pressure.
“ As of yet no theory, study, or research has
produced an absolutely clear or definitive picture of human mental development
in which development and age, for example, can be matched exactly.”
Early
Adolescence, Gail A. Caissy
As a child begins puberty, he is still
thinking like a child; in a concrete manner.
He still needs to see what he is learning about in order to visualize
it. As this child goes through
adolescence, he begins to transform his thinking from concrete to formal. A formal thinker is one who thinks more like
an adult whereas he can project possibilities, reason and hypothesize. Because they are in a transition state, their
reactions can be either child-like or more adult-like. Most teens complete this transition between
the ages of 14 and 16.
Because early adolescents are developing
new thinking skills, there tends to be a slow down in learning capacity. There are no studies that explain this, but
the research is continuing.
Academics are not as much of a priority
as friendships and socialization. Some
early adolescents will purposely do poorly on a test or a paper in order to not
appear smarter or different from the majority of the others, avoiding rejection
or labeling. Some early adolescents do
not do well academically because they are so overwhelmed and preoccupied with
the physical, emotional and social changes that are occurring.
Attention spans and concentration levels
become shorter during this time of their growth. Activities need to be broken up into shorter
blocks and hands-on activities are necessary.
Early adolescents prefer to learn about what relates to their current
interests. Otherwise school can be
thought of as meaningless and boring.
Physical
Development
Both
girls and boys:
· Oil glands
become more active, producing sebum, an oily substance secreted by the glands on
the outer layer of skin. This produces
problems with acne.
· Sweat glands
become more active causing the child to perspire more.
· Some children
produce stretch marks as their body tends to grow fast during this age.
· Voices get deeper.
· Growth spurts
occur.
Girls:
· Breast
development
· Pubic and
underarm hair
· Thicker hair
on legs and arms
· Menstrual
period
· After their
menstruation, their body will develop into a more rounded, curvy shape.
· Growth in
height
Boys:
· Growth of
pubic and underarm hair
· Enlargement of
genitals
· Growth of hair
on the face, legs and abdomen
· Gains in
height and weight
· Body takes a
more muscular form
· Wet dreams
begin
How to
Cope with Adolescent Emotions and Behaviors
Coping with Early Adolescent Emotions
It is not easy to live with the
unpredictable emotions of teenagers.
Parents, do not take personally the many criticisms, negative remarks,
and emotions that early adolescents throw your way. Usually they are frustrated or angry about
something else and will take it out on you, because they feel safer around
you.
**Prepare yourselves for what is
considered 
Early Adolescence-Understanding the
10-15 Year Old, 54,55)
Having said this, remember that your
sympathy and understanding must also be accompanied by your parental authority
and control. When your early adolescent
engages in unacceptable behavior they should be told it is unacceptable, and
they should also be told why. If you
don’t give an explanation or a reason and still impose your authority, your
child will eventually become resentful of you.
Early adolescents will not like being reprimanded or criticized, but
they will be internalizing the reasoning behind it.
When dealing with the problems of
early adolescents, most often the best thing to do is just to listen to
them. Talking is a way to relieve
frustration or anxiety about something. There are times that they may want advice,
and sometimes they just want reassurance about something or consolation and
encouragement when things are not going right.
Parental discussions, if not carried to an extreme, may not seem
effective at the time, but will stick with them in the long run. Solid values instilled by parents will remain
with the child even if they seem to stray from them during the teenage
years.
Early adolescents have a need for
security and stability in their family life.
Everything is changing in their lives right now: their bodies, emotions,
identity, and their intellect. They need
the support even though they may seem unappreciative. They need praise when they do something
well. Tell them when they made a
wonderful intellectual observation, or that they look good. Tell them when you
are proud of them and tell them why.
Don’t be general; let them know what it is that they are doing. They need this to build their self-confidence
and their self-esteem.
Managing Early Adolescent Behavior
As many adolescents begin to be
inconsiderate, critical or smart mouthed, many parents question their ability
to be a good parent. This is normal and
a little knowledge about puberty and adolescents will help parents get through
this stage with their child. Remember
that most of what they are going through is normal, natural and necessary.
Parenting is not always an easy task. As
children grow, they get more independent, being able to do more things by
themselves. Parenting an adolescent is
just as demanding as taking care of a newborn infant. It is just different. Parents wonder if their teen appreciates
everything that they are doing. Often,
the rewards of working hard during the adolescent years will not be evident
until both of you get through this stage of life.
While parenting through the
adolescent years, it will at times be very difficult. Adolescents often will backtalk their parents
and question parents’ rules. Try to remember back to your own
growing years: Did you talk back to your parents and then regret it many years
later? Are you glad that your parents
set rules for you so that you were safe?
Did you appreciate your parents more as you got older, especially when
you had your own children? All of these
things will be the same for your child.
Even though it doesn’t feel like it sometimes, adolescents will grow out
of this and learn to appreciate everything a bit more.
There is no one “parenting technique”
that is the answer to all parents’ questions and/or problems. There are some techniques that seem to be
effectively used by parents, educators and people that work with adolescents. When looking at the techniques, take into
consideration you and your child’s personality, disposition, values and
beliefs.
One of the first things parents will
notice when they have an adolescent is that they need to adjust their parenting
style. Before puberty, most children
will follow the parents’ rules and control.
Most parents tell the child to do something; the child does it or the
child will be punished. Compromise is
the title of the next phase of parenting because as the child goes through
puberty, they feel more adult and want to be treated like an adult. This is usually difficult to adjust to and
takes time to talk through many situations.
Parents need to be less “bossy” and act more like a negotiator and
explain things whenever appropriate or necessary. This takes time and often parents get very
frustrated trying to work everything out with their adolescent. If parents stick with the authority control
style, the adolescents constantly battle with them. If parents go with letting the adolescent do
whatever they want because it is easier, then the adolescents takes control of
the household and will most likely be very disrespectful to all adults in their
lives.
There will be times when parents
need to use the authority control style.
Usually this comes into play for safety issues. It is really important to listen to
adolescents. Think through everything
before making a decision. Parents should
try not to say no to everything. Compromise
and balance is very important. Letting
the child have his/her way to little things might help create a better
relationship with the child and the child won’t feel as much resentment. It is important for parents to be firm in
some situations yet also to compromise on less serious matters. A certain amount of rebellion is part of
growing up but should be kept to a reasonable point where it is not damaging or
uncontrollable.
Parents should always make sure to keep
the child’s best interests at the heart of every decision. Did you ever try to convince your parents
that you had to do something just because everyone else was doing it? Well,
many adolescents will try this and, if parents say no, they might be considered
an “uncool” parent.
It is important to remember that your adolescent might not always be
happy with your decision, but sometimes parents saying no might actually get
the adolescent off the hook from something that they didn’t want to do
anyway. The child can just tell their
friends, “my parents said no.” and then they are off the hook.
Parents need to remember that it is
important to not take adolescents’ behavior personally. This is all normal behavior and it is not
about the parent. This can be difficult
at times, especially when the child is mouthy or disrespectful. Remember to not let 
it get too out of control and always let the child
know that you are always there for them.
Sometimes adolescents need that reassurance that no matter how badly
they act or rebel, their parents always love them.
Remaining calm is extremely important,
especially when you need to make decisions on discipline. Parents are better
able to cope when they remember that puberty is part of the normal human
development and eventually the child will be an adult someday. Stating your expectations, rules and specific
standards is really important during adolescence. Parents often have difficulty with discipline
if they have been too lenient. This can
cause difficulties for the child in school and the workforce so it is really
important for the child to experience limits at home first.
Setting limits for adolescents is
critical for adolescent learning.
Sometimes parents are permissive because they are afraid that their
child might not love them if the child doesn’t get what they want. Another reason parents are permissive is
because the parents are so busy working (and feeling guilty about being away so
long) that when they are with the child they don’t want to say no. Children
want and need structure and limits.
These help them to develop a sense of what is right and wrong. This develops a secure feeling for the child
because they know that their parents will be there to keep them safe by making
some of the decisions for them.
Sometimes parents are permissive because they think that if they ignore
the problem, it will go away. Unfortunately
for those that try this, they will soon find out that this does not work and
behavior tends to get worse and worse.
Developing Effective Management Techniques 
1. Make sure to think through all rules
before setting them.
2. Have your child help set up some of
the rules and maybe some of the consequences.
Talk about what happens when the child doesn’t do their chores or their
homework.
3. Make sure to enforce the rules
consistently. It is really important to
show them that the rules and punishments are in place and you will enforce
them.
4. Expect your child to test the
rules. These initial confrontations are
to see if the rules are really in effect.
This will set the tone for future behavior.
5. Make sure to keep rules short and
simple. Too many rules can be
overwhelming and difficult to follow through.
6. Logical consequences for
rule-breaking behavior is important.
“Make sure the punishment fits the crime.”
7. Try to have the punishment be fair,
realistic and workable. Grounding
someone for 6 months might be extreme.
Try to find a punishment that is not too long so that you can make sure
that you can follow through.
8. Try not to say things that you can’t
follow through. Sometimes in the heat of
the moment, threats can be said. It is
important to make sure when giving consequences that you have thought through
what you are saying.
9. Make sure that when you give new
privileges that you are ready for the child to continue with the new
privilege. For instance, if the child is
allowed to ride in friends’ cars, then be ready to let them do that all of the
time.
10. Be careful of the phrase, “Everyone
else is doing it.” Adolescents tend to
use this phrase while trying to convince you to let them do something new.
Ways to Make Communication More Effective
1. Be
honest and sincere.
2. When a
child asks to talk to you, usually they want you to listen to them. Only give advice if they ask for it.
3. Try to
treat the problem your child is having as important. Adolescents do not like it when you belittle
their issues.
4. Try not
to be critical with your child. If you
are, your child might not ask to talk to you again.
5. Use “I”
statements when trying to express your feelings. “I feel….” Instead of, “You make me mad….”
6. Didn’t
you hate it when your parents said, “I told you so.” Try to bite your lip and
not use this phrase. They will learn as
they grow.
What teenagers think you
should know
What Parents need to know about….
Friendships
Homework
Growing Up
School
Want to know what young
adolescents want you to know?
Read on to find out what
is on their minds……We asked some local young adolescents and here is what they
say…
Friendships
Parents need to know…..
o
Who we’re hanging out
with because they might be doing drugs.
o
We want to have friends
over so we can have fun.
o
That kids like to go
and hang out with their friends a lot because they feel responsible enough to
take their own actions.
o
That peer pressure has
a great amount of influence.
o
About my friends
because you might like my friends too.
o
About friendships
because I don’t know how to make friends very well.
o
About friendships
because I don’t want to be bored all of my life.
o
About friendships
because at the beginning of the year I did not have any friends and now I do.
Homework
Parents need to know…..
o
How much homework I
have because teachers just never give you a break.
o
About homework help
because sometimes kids want their parents’ help and sometimes they don’t. Before you just help, ask if we want your
help.
o
That when we come home
and have to do our homework, that first we need to get de-stressed so we need
to watch a little TV before we do all of our homework.
o
About homework because
when kids don’t tell parents, they don’t do their homework.
o
How hard the homework
is because even though it might look easy for you, it is really hard for me.
Growing Up
Parents need to know….
o
About us teenagers
because then the parents could talk to us about growing up and help us
understand.
o
That we need more time
to play because this year we don’t have recess.
o
About teens because
parents can embarrass us easily.
o
About where we go
because if you know about our lives, you can be more connected to us and we
will share more with you.
o
That we can stay up
later because we are older and can get up in the morning.
o
That we need more time
to play.
o
Everything because
parents have had experience with everything and if we ask you then you will
probably know the answer.
o
If I am being bullied
because I need someone to talk to.
School
Parents need to know…..
o
That when I come home
with a C on a test, try to understand how bad I feel because I really worked
hard.
o
About school because it
is important that you know what is happening with me.
o
That there are issues
that go on in school and you should be there to help your child through them.
Resources for parents of adolescents
– Books and Web pages
Books:
Þ 
Early Adolescence-Understanding the 10-15 Year Old
(1994) by Gail Caissy
Þ What I Wish You Knew-Letters from
Our Daughters’ Lives and Expert Advice on Staying Connected – from the editors
of American Girl
Þ The Ambitious Generation:
Þ Cliques: Eight Steps to Help Your
Child Survive the Social Jungle (2001) by Charlene C. Gianetti
and Margaret Sagarese. Practical advice about disarming bullies and
what to do if your child is excluded.
Þ Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves
of Adolescent Girls (1999) by Mary Pipher. A powerful look at how our culture can
destroy a girl’s sense of self. Includes
strategies that families can use to make her whole again.
Þ Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression
in Girls (2002) by Rachel Simmons.
(Another option is to get the DVD which was released in 2005)
Websites:
Þ Inside the Teenage Brain –
videos www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/shows/teenbrain/view
Þ The National Middle School
Association http://www.nmsa.org/
Þ National Association of Anorexia
Nervosa and Associated Disorders – hotline, inpatient and outpatient referrals,
support groups. http://www.anad.org/
Þ American Foundation for Suicide
Prevention – referrals and information about depression, suicide, plus support
programs for survivors. http://www.afsp.org/
Þ Alanon/Alateen – resources for teenagers whose
lives have been affected by someone else’s drinking. 1-888-4AL-ANON http://www.al-anon-alateen.org/
Þ
12 Questions from 5th and 6th
graders and answered by 7th and 8th graders
1.
What should you do if someone threatens to hurt you if you tell someone that
you are being bullied?
o
You NEED to tell
a teacher or parent. It is VERY
IMPORTANT. When you tell them, make sure
to tell a teacher that they threatened you.
o
You should still tell
an adult that you are being bullied because they can stop it. BUT, if an adult doesn’t know that you’re
being bullied, they can’t do anything about it.
o
You should probably
tell your parents and your teachers. If
you go to the teachers first, they could try to talk directly with the bully
because he/she could hurt you before anyone can help.
2.
How does it feel to be bullied?
o
Not good. Even if someone is playfully picking on you,
sometimes it still hurts.
o
You either feel
depressed or bad about yourself or you just think the person doing it is a
loser.
o
Really bad. It feels like nobody likes you and you don’t
belong there.
o
It does not feel great,
especially when the bully leaves permanent scars, whether physically or
emotionally.
o
Being bullied isn’t
always getting beat up. Bullying that
can hurt the most is gossip. That really
can lower a person’s self-esteem if they hear something mean about themselves.
3.
Does bullying get worse as you get older?
o
Yes and No. As you get older, you become more mature, but
also become able to bully harder. Just
don’t bully people yourself.
o
No, actually less
people bully as you get older. Your
getting more mature and know how others feel.
o
Sometimes- people get
more mature but some people get more aggressive.
o
No, because as you get
older you just forget about it and you move on, you just don’t care.
o
Not usually, because
you end up learning how to stand up for yourself.
o
Sometimes because the
gossip can get worse.
o
No, after middle school
it probably doesn’t happen as often because people mature.
4.
How do you ask a person out?
o
You should go up to the
person you like and tell them how you feel about them. Then ask them if they want to hang out
sometime.
o
Ask them in person.
o
You ask them if they
would like to go out and do it in a polite way.
o
When you get to middle
school, there are dances. The best way
to ask someone out if you are a guy, is to ask a girl to slow dance, then- you
dance for a song and at the end, you whisper it in their ear and see if they
say yes.
o
It’s very hard to ask
somebody out and it can be so scary at sometimes so here is what you do. Go up to a person and say, “Will you go out
with me?” IF they say “no”, don’t worry
it’s not the end of the world. You may
be heartbroken for a little while, but you’ll get over it.
o
You go face to face and
ask. Don’t be a wussy
by asking a friend to do it for you.
o
What I do is I start
hanging out with them and become friends first and then I just ask them
out.
o
You get to know them a
long time and if you really like them then you can catch them (usually when
they are alone).
5.
What do you do when somebody asks you out but you don’t want to go out with
them?
o
If someone asks you out
say very nicely, “No”. They may be sad
for a little while, but they’ll move on.
o
You can be like,
“You’re cool, but I only see you as a friend.”
o
You kindly and politely
tell them no.
o I just say that I like them as a friend, but only as a
friend. Or I just say I don’t want to go
out with anyone right now.
6.
How do you keep your grades up?
o
Do your best!
o
I try my hardest and
hand my homework in on time; checking my assignment sheet helps.
o
Pay attention and don’t
fool around.
o
Get all your homework
in and done on time. Be respectful to
your peers and teachers.
o
To keep your grades up
you need to listen to your teacher, study, do your homework and get it in on
time. It always helps to take notes, do
your homework neatly, and have a friend or parent check your homework.
7.
How do you form
friendships and stay with your friends through disagreements?
a) How do you form friendships?
o
You can talk to the
people you want to be friends with and be nice to them.
o
Be nice to people, but
don’t confuse niceness with sucking up to people.
o
To get friends just be
yourself.
b) How do you stay with your friends
through disagreements?
o
Talk it out and
apologize even if you didn’t start it.
o
Always resolve the
problem the same day you have it. Don’t
let it linger. The sooner you resolve
it, the tighter friends you are.
o
Take the initiative to
talk it out before they get too mad.
o
Real friends stay
together no matter what, even through disagreements.
o
If you disagree about
something, you can compromise until you find an answer.
o
Through disagreements
with your closest friends you should talk to the friend. Explain to them why you are upset and then
let them explain their side to you.
Usually friends’ fights don’t last too long. It hurts losing your best friend and you are
going to want them back as soon as you start fighting.
o
One way is just because
you are angry, don’t start rumors or tell deep secrets!
8. What is it like
to have more than one teacher and keep switching classes?
o
It is hard to get used
to. Just make sure you have all of your
stuff ready.
o
The day goes a lot
faster when you switch classes.
o
Having different teachers
is fun.
o
You need to be on time
to classes, but you have more freedom.
o
It’s fun! Having the same teacher is so boring. You listen to them all day with the same
voice. Going to other classes is so
cool. You have different teachers who
have such different personalities, attitudes and sense of teaching.
o
There is no reason to
get stressed. I was stressed on the
first day and trust me it did not help.
By the third day you will have your schedule memorized and you will know
where all of your classes are.
9.
I have a hard time forgiving people. I
know I would want someone to forgive me if I made a big mistake, but how do you
forgive someone if they told a secret or started to smoke or do drugs?
o
Forgiving is something
that is your choice. If you want to
forgive someone then do it. If you don’t
know if you can, then talk to them and just tell them you don’t want to do what
they are doing because you don’t like what they said or did. Basically just tell them how you feel.
o
If you know people who
smoke or do drugs and they want you to keep it a secret, then tell!
o
If they smoke or do
drugs it is not a good idea because they could try to get you to do it too.
o
You might never be able
to forgive someone but you have to try.
If one of your friends starts doing drugs that doesn’t mean you have to
start doing drugs. Don’t hang around
them when they are doing drugs. Get
them help. Tell their parents or a
teacher, even if they tell you not to.
You are only doing what is best for them, even if they don’t know it
yet.
10.
How can you resist peer pressure?
o
Just get up your
courage and tell them “no, I don’t want to do this” and that they should stop
pressuring you. If they are trying to
get you to do something that can or will hurt you, then they never really were
your friends. Real friends don’t try to
hurt friends.
o
Say no and walk
away. Trust me it is harder than you
think!
o
You can say so if someone
asks you to do something and if that doesn’t work, ask the nearest person/adult
to help you.
o
Just tell them that
they don’t need to do something stupid and neither do you.
11. What is puberty like for you?
o
Puberty is weird,
confusing and just crazy.
o
Growing and developing
is different for everyone.
o
It is tough, but you
will get through it. Remember, everyone
goes through it.
o
Puberty is strange
because you grow and stuff so you feel kind of achy and you start to have
different feelings about different things, but in general, puberty isn’t that
bad.
o
It is weird. All the changes mix up your feelings and
emotions.
o
It is weird because you
are growing hair in places and you become moody and your hormones race.
12.
How do you manage
your time to fit in homework, friends, sports or band?
o
I make a schedule so I
have my priorities straight.
o
I just try to finish as
much work as I can at school so then after school I have more free time for
sports and friends.
o
Well, lunch is a good
time for friends and band is only one period of the day. Sports are normally after school.
o
You have band in school
so that’s not really a problem. In
middle school there is a homework club.
The teachers help you and you get it done. Friends and sports: if you and your friend
both play together then you can bond. If
both of you don’t play together then you can watch each other play and support
them and that is going to make your friendship stronger. If you don’t have time to go to their game,
then wish them good luck and let them know you hope they do well.
Page updated on March 16, 2008 by Leslie Striebe